Tell them, so they’ll know

My parents both passed away years ago.

They were never ones to say “I love you” or verbalize their feelings much. It wasn’t their way, or the way of many from their generation.

I was visiting with my mom one day near the end of her life, when out of the blue, she brought up my name, and said how she and dad “were sure proud” of me. I was completely taken aback, because she’d never said anything like it before. At that stage of her mental health, she drifted in and out of different time periods, and frequently failed to recognize me as her daughter. In that moment, she had no idea the person she was talking about was me, sitting right next to her. Right after she made that remark, I asked her to tell me more, but her mind had already switched to another place and time, and I never got additional detail about that comment. I never knew what prompted her to think of me right then, or what memory was playing in her head to cause her to say she was proud of me.

I never knew.

Thinking back on my childhood, I wish my parents had voiced their observations and feelings about us kids more. They knew my siblings and I best, having watched us from such an early age. They knew our character, our growth, where we were most strong. I wish they had instilled in us the certainty of knowing some of our best qualities by cementing them with words. I wish I had that rock to lean on when I have doubts about who I am or what I’m capable of.

Life can be so full of doubt.

I understand now that telling kids the good qualities you see in them can add immense value and confidence to their lives.

I watch my own children, marveling at what a great sense of humor they are developing, how creative and determined and hard-working they are. I remind myself to tell them what I appreciate about them every chance I get because I want it to be hard-wired into them, so that no matter how long after I’m gone, the knowledge remains embedded in their souls.

I’m so glad that verbalizing these things is much more encouraged and accepted now.

Please tell your children how you feel about them while you have the time and the mental capacity to do so. Describe for them the skills and talent you see developing and give them specific examples, so they fully grasp the truth of your words. Tell them how proud you are of their growth and their kindness and their generosity and their dedication. Tell them so much that they’ll hear your voice responding every single time they feel doubt.

Tell them, so they’ll know.

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